Aquaman

Image credit: Amazon

There are many mysteries that make up life, the universe, and everything that we’ll never be able to fathom and so should really just stop trying to. One of these is why Warner Bros. continues to make DC movies. Another is why we consumers continue to put ourselves through the torment of watching them. And a third is why we deem it acceptable to fling money at it at all.

In case you can’t tell, I went and saw Aquaman today…

A semi-origin story that somehow takes place after the events of Justice League, the film chronicles the forbidden inter-racial romance between a human lighthouse keeper and the queen of Atlantis, the birth of their son, and the queen’s return to Atlantis to keep them safe. Flash forward many years and the half-breed, Arthur (Jason Momoa) is grown up and saving lives, with social media dubbing him the ‘Aquaman. But when his half-brother, Orm (Patrick Wilson) threatens the human world with war, it’s time for Arthur to travel to Atlantis, find a mystical trident, and become the great king he’s –apparently- destined to be. 

What’s to say about this movie that has not already been said about all of the other DC films since Batman V Superman? In a nutshell the story is painfully predictable right down to the scene composition, the characters don’t care a fig about each and so there is absolutely no emotional attachment, repellent, or chemistry at all happening between any of them, and the script is so lacklustre it felt as though it was written by a robot, ‘insert one-liner here’.

So is there anywhere where it’s good? To give credit where it’s due the art direction and visual effects are relatively impressive, although Atlantis really just looks like Pandora underwater, which further convinces audiences that these films have simply become a game of ‘how many successful movies and franchises can Warner can rip off?’ Between underwater flying sequences that were reminiscent of Star Wars, the luminescent water-world that screamed Avatar, the gladiator-type battle that had you hankering for Chris Hemsworth, and the closing credits, which were totally lifted from Game of Thrones, at least Warner is winning at something?

Image credit: Wallpapersflood

The performances are all fine, although Momoa was at his best within the first ten minutes and then proceeded to completely lose his swag somehow. Amanda Heard as Mera definitely gives it a red-hot go, but gets kind of blocked by boring dialogue and a swag-less Momoa, and Patrick Wilson seems to only have one facial expression.

If you do plan to see Aquaman, I would recommend seeing with a group of friends with the intent to laugh and mock. I can confirm that the two hours will go a lot faster and the cinematic experience will not be as painful as if you went to see it alone.

Director: James Wan, 2018

Cast: Jason Momoa, Amanda Heard, Patrick Wilson, Dolph Lundgren, Yahya Abdul-Mateen II, Temuera Morrison, Willem Dafoe, & Nicole Kidman