Baywatch

Everyone with a pulse (and probably without one) knows about Baywatch. The highly sexualised show that proved that slow motion wasn’t just for fiery action movies and sparked the unlikely friendship between Chandler and Joey in Friends. And now, because ‘something old’ never really gets old, it has been made into a modern movie a la 21 Jump Street (though not quite as good). 

The film tells the story of a team of lifeguards who take their job very seriously. So seriously in fact that they take it upon themselves to undergo a drug-smuggling investigation when a sachet of drugs is found in the bay. Joining the seasoned bay-watchers is three new trainees including an arrogant 2-time gold medallist who is on parole. Soon the investigation gets bigger than any of them imagined as a body count begins to rise and, with the authorities against them, it’s a race against time to catch the crims. 

From the trailers you automatically know what type of movie this is going to be. It’s an oily, sunbaked muscle, arse, and breast-fest with the action element of the underdogs taking the law into their own hands. Undoubtedly what the movie thrives on is its meta references to the show (including obvious but still fun cameos from the original cast) as well as snide little comments on what’s now (and has been) widely popular in society; e.g. The Rock’s character referring to Efron’s as “High School Musical”. Whilst being obvious, those gags are still funny, more so given the context and environment. You could argue that on some very, very deep level there’s a layer of irony there, but I’m not going to dive into that. 

It’s definitely all bout the visual in this movie with the all the cast being typically attractive people, even the awkward, slightly overweight and nerdy underdog, and there being more men with shirts off and gravity-defying breasts than you can get wet over. 

Sadly, the emphasis on hunkiness and prettiness pays the price of a cast without chemistry. Don’t get me wrong, everyone seems to get along in this movie but, seeing as the underlying story is about family and Efron’s character actually learning to be part of a team, there’s just not enough connection between any of them, which makes that story kind of dead in the water. As a result, you don’t really get more out of this movie than the laughs at its meta, which is not terrible but one does want something more. 

The performances are all good: Dwayne Johnson has macho bravado as well as a bit of heart and he asserts authority quite well. I think Zach Efron was a bit of a weak link because he was given the ‘complex’ character and obviously not really told what to do with it. He starts off strong, being a proper arrogant douchbag, but then starts to flounder when the ‘feelings’ of the story start to happen. He’s not awful and I definitely think his struggles were more of a directorial or writing problem than an acting one, but it still affects the film. 

At the end of the day, Baywatch is just a fun movie and if you’re not looking for anything complicated or dramatic, just something to eat popcorn through, then I would say this movie is as good as any. The humour is crass and not very clever, but it works for the context and still gains a response and, really, the only area where this movie floundered was with its lack of cast connection and flimsy script. Aside from that, everything visual about this movie keeps it afloat and if you know what to expect, then you’re not going to be disappointed. 

Starring: Dwayne Johnson, Zach Efron, Priyanka Chopra, Alexandra Daddario, Kelly Rohrbach, Ilfenesh Hadera, Jon Bass, Yahya Abdul-Mateen II, Hannibal Buress, and Rob Huebel 

Year: 2017 

Rating: MA