Legend [PG]

In an enchanted forest, a beautiful princess takes lessons of nature with her love, Jack, a boy of the forest. Jack shows her the unicorns and accidentally brings a curse upon them all, inadvertently also leading a group of goblin hunters intent on killing the unicorns at the request of their master, the Lord of Darkness. The forest is now coated in dark and freezing winter and will remain so unless Jack can save the princess and restore light and magic. 

Oh dear, talk about your overdone fantasy, this movie is terrible (and I say that as I’m laughing). It’s so sweet and sugar-coated that it makes you gag and I was hard-pressed in making it all the way through. It was so sincere, but so over-the-top, you can’t believe how cheesy and over-sugared this film is. Oh it’s awful, it just makes you cringe. 

In an enchanted forest, a beautiful princess takes lessons of nature with her love, Jack, a boy of the forest. Jack shows her the unicorns and accidentally brings a curse upon them all, inadvertently also leading a group of goblin hunters intent on killing the unicorns at the request of their master, the Lord of Darkness. The forest is now coated in dark and freezing winter and will remain so unless Jack can save the princess and restore light and magic. 

To give the movie its dues, you have to applaud the costume, makeup, and special effects departments because the general prosthetics, fantasy makeup, and costumes were something special. Not to mention the sexy, deep, voice of Tim Curry; the real reason why I hired this movie at all. 

At the end of the day, I felt that this film has a solid sort of story and had potential, but (and this is a big BUT), it really milked everything it could and, as a result, became and hour and twenty minutes of over-done fantasy; I mean the amount of glitter and bubbles, BUBBLES, that they used to emphasise the “magic of the forest” was just ridiculous and overkill and you just could not take any of it seriously! 

With the majority of the budget obviously being blown on prosthetic effects and copious amounts of glitter, departments like the script department and stunt department were left to flounder. There are practically no stunts to speak of, and the script kept jumping from rhyming and being mythic and fairytale-like to contemporary. Oh dear. 

I’m actually amazed that the actors could even act amongst all the glitter and bubbles and sequins that were being avalanched on top of them! Fair play to you guys. Starring Tom Cruise with a cute baby face, Mia Sara, Tim Curry, David Bennent, Alice Playten, Billy Barty, Cork Hubbert, Kiran Shah, and Annabelle Lanyon, Legend was living proof that there is such a thing as cheesy 80s style and cheesy 80s style. Filled with glitter, sequins, bubbles, magic, romance, adventure, and (for lack of a better word) shitloads of fantasy, enough fantasy to make you take acid to tone down, it’s a film that I won’t be seeing again, willingly, for the rest of my life. Oh dear, it’s just so bad!